Surplus Jokes of teh Interwebz

# 9

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a
woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast,I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

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# 8

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give
you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

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#7

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting
book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest
average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

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# 6

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife
turns over and says: I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband,
rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers
in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

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# 5

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his
wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he
should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashamed. His wife could see at once that something
was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I
mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

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# 4

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left
breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is
a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her
right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will
wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five
minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies:
"She choked."

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# 3

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his
mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each
of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his
privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer
bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals
unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another
offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the
back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

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# 2

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude
looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball,
Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face
and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The
big black dude looks down and says "7 foot all, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is
Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around. '"

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# 1

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old
gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years
ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as
jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the
buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today
as they were fifty years go." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your
oatmeal!!!!

Labels: sex jokes, top 9 sex jokes