Friday, October 30, 2009

 

This child needs a big hiding!

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Dictionary for women


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Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

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Thursday, October 29, 2009

 

The only way SA will win the 2010 Worldcup




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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

 

Adult cartoons












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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

 

Logic

Two guys, Mack and Jack are sitting at their favourite bar, Drinking beer.

Mack turns to Jack and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." Jack agrees that it's a good
idea.

The next day, Mack goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Mack asks, "what's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a lawnmower?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a lawnmower, I think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house!"
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."
"I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."
"Yes, I do have a wife."
"And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be heterosexual."

"I am heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a lawnmower."

Excited to take the class now, Mack shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jack at the bar. He tells Jack about his classes, how he has signed up for Math, English, History and Logic.

"Logic?" Jack says, "What's that?"
"I'll show you," says Mack. "Do you have a lawnmower?"

"No."

"Then you're gay.....

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Bacon with attitude

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Saturday, October 24, 2009

 

Last Day on the Job

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to
the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on
his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with
the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry
waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for
words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for
you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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Friday, October 23, 2009

 

Molly the camel

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in The Afghanistan Desert . During his first inspection of the
outfit, he Noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men Here on the post and no women. And, sir, sometimes the men have
'urges'.That's why we have Molly The Camel.'

The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand About urges, so the camel can stay .'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with

passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the
ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the other men do it?' 'No, not really, sir..They usually just ride the
camel into town......where the girls are.'

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

 

Drunk-O-meter part III














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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

 

Drunk-O-meter part II











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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

 

Drunk-O-meter part I











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Mona Lisa and Mc Donalds

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Friday, October 16, 2009

 

Never fuck with a horse!

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Never surprize a police officer

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Biggest mouth ever!

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Sexy motivationals II









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