Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Quick jokes.
Quickies
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between Light and Hard?
You can sleep with a Light on.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Caption on a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon: "Where's my jacket? I've looked everywhere! Under the bed, over my chair, on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen. It's just not anywhere....Oh, HERE it is! Who put it in the stupid closet!?"
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree and a gynecologist looks up the family bush
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.
How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It's not hard.
Why are New Yorkers so cranky?
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment applications always ask "Who is to be notified in case of an emergency?" I think you should write, "911"
An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that is a strange question from somebody whose dick is on his face."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between Light and Hard?
You can sleep with a Light on.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Caption on a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon: "Where's my jacket? I've looked everywhere! Under the bed, over my chair, on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen. It's just not anywhere....Oh, HERE it is! Who put it in the stupid closet!?"
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree and a gynecologist looks up the family bush
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.
How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It's not hard.
Why are New Yorkers so cranky?
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment applications always ask "Who is to be notified in case of an emergency?" I think you should write, "911"
An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that is a strange question from somebody whose dick is on his face."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Labels: adult jokes, short jokes
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