Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Quick jokes.
Quickies
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between Light and Hard?
You can sleep with a Light on.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Caption on a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon: "Where's my jacket? I've looked everywhere! Under the bed, over my chair, on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen. It's just not anywhere....Oh, HERE it is! Who put it in the stupid closet!?"
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree and a gynecologist looks up the family bush
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.
How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It's not hard.
Why are New Yorkers so cranky?
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment applications always ask "Who is to be notified in case of an emergency?" I think you should write, "911"
An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that is a strange question from somebody whose dick is on his face."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between Light and Hard?
You can sleep with a Light on.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Caption on a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon: "Where's my jacket? I've looked everywhere! Under the bed, over my chair, on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen. It's just not anywhere....Oh, HERE it is! Who put it in the stupid closet!?"
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree and a gynecologist looks up the family bush
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.
How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It's not hard.
Why are New Yorkers so cranky?
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment applications always ask "Who is to be notified in case of an emergency?" I think you should write, "911"
An elephant asks a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that is a strange question from somebody whose dick is on his face."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Labels: adult jokes, short jokes
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Adult cartoons
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Last Day on the Job
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to
the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on
his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with
the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry
waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for
words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for
you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on
his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with
the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry
waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for
words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for
you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
Labels: adult jokes, husband, mailman, wife
Friday, October 23, 2009
Molly the camel
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in The Afghanistan Desert . During his first inspection of the
outfit, he Noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men Here on the post and no women. And, sir, sometimes the men have
'urges'.That's why we have Molly The Camel.'
The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand About urges, so the camel can stay .'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with
passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the
ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the other men do it?' 'No, not really, sir..They usually just ride the
camel into town......where the girls are.'
outfit, he Noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men Here on the post and no women. And, sir, sometimes the men have
'urges'.That's why we have Molly The Camel.'
The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand About urges, so the camel can stay .'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with
passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the
ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the other men do it?' 'No, not really, sir..They usually just ride the
camel into town......where the girls are.'
Labels: adult jokes, desert jokes, iraq, military, molly the camel
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