Thursday, February 11, 2010
Three Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
"God, please give me the strength to cross the river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river"
Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour, after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river"
Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!"
"God, please give me the strength to cross the river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river"
Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour, after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river"
Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!"
Labels: capsizing, hike, intelligence, men, prayed, river, strength, tools
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Men are like that
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts... She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts... She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Labels: breast implants, men, viagra
Friday, July 17, 2009
Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(Because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(They don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) YUP
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know....it never happens!)
(Cmon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!
And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Remember,
if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart.
Then you are just an old sour fart!
----------------------
One for the ladies
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What
setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied.
'What
does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .' And they say blondes are
dumb...
----------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
----------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
---------------------
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll
beat him to death. AMEN
-------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are Practicing to be men.
---------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
(Because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(They don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) YUP
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know....it never happens!)
(Cmon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!
And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Remember,
if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart.
Then you are just an old sour fart!
----------------------
One for the ladies
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What
setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied.
'What
does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .' And they say blondes are
dumb...
----------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
----------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
-------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
---------------------
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll
beat him to death. AMEN
-------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are Practicing to be men.
---------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
Labels: men
Monday, July 6, 2009
Men the same no matter the species..
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Proof that men and ape are alike
Monday, June 22, 2009
Men at the gym
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]