Wednesday, March 3, 2010
A Women, a Man and a car accident
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It's a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Labels: car accident, drink, god, man, police, wine, woman
Monday, August 3, 2009
Bullet proof glass in the old days
Monday, July 13, 2009
What a coincidence
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.
''What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilised eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence'.
The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.
''What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilised eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence'.
Labels: best man joke, champagne, chicken farmer, marriage joke, woman
Friday, July 3, 2009
Stupid is as stupid does...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Men at the gym
Monday, June 15, 2009
Woman's diary vs. man's diary
WOMAN'S DIARY
12 June
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late
meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere
quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went
somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and
didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I
just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in, He
hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned
the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to
bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply, He
just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my
surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's
found someone else.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MAN'S DIARY:
12 June
WP lost to the Lions
Gutted.
Got a pomp though.
12 June
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late
meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere
quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went
somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and
didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I
just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in, He
hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned
the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to
bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply, He
just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my
surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's
found someone else.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MAN'S DIARY:
12 June
WP lost to the Lions
Gutted.
Got a pomp though.
Labels: diary, lions, man, Rugby, woman, wp
Thursday, May 28, 2009
NEVER SEND A WOMAN TO THE HARDWARE STORE
Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge so he sent
His wife Mary to the hardware store.
At the hardware store Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she
Was waiting for Carl the manager to finish waiting on a customer.
When Carl was finished Mary asked "How much for the teapot?" Carl replied
"That's silver and it costs $100!" "My goodness that sure is a lotta
Money!" Mary exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy and
Carl went to the back room to find it. From the back room Carl yelled "Mary
you wanna screw for that hinge?"'
Mary replied "No but I will for the teapot."
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His wife Mary to the hardware store.
At the hardware store Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she
Was waiting for Carl the manager to finish waiting on a customer.
When Carl was finished Mary asked "How much for the teapot?" Carl replied
"That's silver and it costs $100!" "My goodness that sure is a lotta
Money!" Mary exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy and
Carl went to the back room to find it. From the back room Carl yelled "Mary
you wanna screw for that hinge?"'
Mary replied "No but I will for the teapot."
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>>::<< See navigation on the left.
Labels: hardare store, woman
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