Friday, February 19, 2010
Walls of Jericho - Ministers & Education
The school inspector is assigned to the grade 4 class in one of the local schools. He is introduced to the class by the teacher.
She says to the class: "Let's show the inspector just how clever you are by allowing him to ask you a question." The inspector reasons that normally class starts with religious instruction, so he will ask a biblical question.
He asks: "Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho ?"
For a full minute there is absolute silence. The children all just stare at him blankly. Eventually Sipho raises his hand. The Inspector excitedly points to him.
Sipho stands up and replies: "Sir, I do not know who broke down the walls of Jericho , but I can assure you it wasn't me."
Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer and looks at the teacher for an explanation.
Realizing that he is perturbed, the teacher says: Well, I've known Sipho since the beginning of the year, and I believe that if he says that he didn't do it, then he didn’t do it."
The inspector is even more shocked at this and storms down to the Principal office and tells him what happened, to which the principal replies: "I don't know the boy, but I socialize every now and then with his teacher, and I believe her. If she feels that the boy is innocent, then he must be innocent."
The inspector can't believe what he is hearing. He grabs the phone on the Principal desk and in a rage dials the Minister of Education's telephone number and rattles the entire occurrence to her and asks her what she thinks of the education standard in SA.
The Minister sighs heavily and replies: "I don't know the boy, the teacher, nor the principal, but just get three quotes and have the wall fixed!!"
She says to the class: "Let's show the inspector just how clever you are by allowing him to ask you a question." The inspector reasons that normally class starts with religious instruction, so he will ask a biblical question.
He asks: "Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho ?"
For a full minute there is absolute silence. The children all just stare at him blankly. Eventually Sipho raises his hand. The Inspector excitedly points to him.
Sipho stands up and replies: "Sir, I do not know who broke down the walls of Jericho , but I can assure you it wasn't me."
Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer and looks at the teacher for an explanation.
Realizing that he is perturbed, the teacher says: Well, I've known Sipho since the beginning of the year, and I believe that if he says that he didn't do it, then he didn’t do it."
The inspector is even more shocked at this and storms down to the Principal office and tells him what happened, to which the principal replies: "I don't know the boy, but I socialize every now and then with his teacher, and I believe her. If she feels that the boy is innocent, then he must be innocent."
The inspector can't believe what he is hearing. He grabs the phone on the Principal desk and in a rage dials the Minister of Education's telephone number and rattles the entire occurrence to her and asks her what she thinks of the education standard in SA.
The Minister sighs heavily and replies: "I don't know the boy, the teacher, nor the principal, but just get three quotes and have the wall fixed!!"
Labels: famous sexual quotes, fixed, Minister of Education, Principal, question, school inspector, schools, Sipho, teacher, walls of Jericho
Thursday, February 18, 2010
A class of five-year old school children return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time.
The teacher says to the first child "Hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?" Becky replies "I have been playing in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher "if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit."
Becky duly goes and writes, 's a n d' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says, "Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?"
Freddie replies, "Playing with Becky in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher, "if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit."
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says, "Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?"
"No," replies Mohammed, "I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives."
"Oh dear," says the teacher, "that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit."
The teacher says to the first child "Hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?" Becky replies "I have been playing in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher "if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit."
Becky duly goes and writes, 's a n d' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says, "Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?"
Freddie replies, "Playing with Becky in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher, "if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit."
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says, "Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?"
"No," replies Mohammed, "I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives."
"Oh dear," says the teacher, "that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit."
Labels: biscuit, blatant racial discrimination, box, class, explosives, playground, sandton, school children, teacher
Monday, November 16, 2009
Little Johnny - Fascinate
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.
Labels: fascinate, Little Johnny, teacher
Monday, June 22, 2009
Little Johnny
Little Johnny's at it again.....
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the postman wants to buy Mom .'
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the postman wants to buy Mom .'
Labels: cold cream, dad, horse auction, Little Johnny, mom, most wanted, mother, stupid, teacher
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