Friday, February 26, 2010
Suntan - FAIL
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Valentine's Card - Psycho version
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Croc spotted at the Vaal
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Vacation Relaxation
Monday, February 22, 2010
Difference between 30Mph & 50Mph
Friday, February 19, 2010
Walls of Jericho - Ministers & Education
The school inspector is assigned to the grade 4 class in one of the local schools. He is introduced to the class by the teacher.
She says to the class: "Let's show the inspector just how clever you are by allowing him to ask you a question." The inspector reasons that normally class starts with religious instruction, so he will ask a biblical question.
He asks: "Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho ?"
For a full minute there is absolute silence. The children all just stare at him blankly. Eventually Sipho raises his hand. The Inspector excitedly points to him.
Sipho stands up and replies: "Sir, I do not know who broke down the walls of Jericho , but I can assure you it wasn't me."
Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer and looks at the teacher for an explanation.
Realizing that he is perturbed, the teacher says: Well, I've known Sipho since the beginning of the year, and I believe that if he says that he didn't do it, then he didn’t do it."
The inspector is even more shocked at this and storms down to the Principal office and tells him what happened, to which the principal replies: "I don't know the boy, but I socialize every now and then with his teacher, and I believe her. If she feels that the boy is innocent, then he must be innocent."
The inspector can't believe what he is hearing. He grabs the phone on the Principal desk and in a rage dials the Minister of Education's telephone number and rattles the entire occurrence to her and asks her what she thinks of the education standard in SA.
The Minister sighs heavily and replies: "I don't know the boy, the teacher, nor the principal, but just get three quotes and have the wall fixed!!"
She says to the class: "Let's show the inspector just how clever you are by allowing him to ask you a question." The inspector reasons that normally class starts with religious instruction, so he will ask a biblical question.
He asks: "Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho ?"
For a full minute there is absolute silence. The children all just stare at him blankly. Eventually Sipho raises his hand. The Inspector excitedly points to him.
Sipho stands up and replies: "Sir, I do not know who broke down the walls of Jericho , but I can assure you it wasn't me."
Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer and looks at the teacher for an explanation.
Realizing that he is perturbed, the teacher says: Well, I've known Sipho since the beginning of the year, and I believe that if he says that he didn't do it, then he didn’t do it."
The inspector is even more shocked at this and storms down to the Principal office and tells him what happened, to which the principal replies: "I don't know the boy, but I socialize every now and then with his teacher, and I believe her. If she feels that the boy is innocent, then he must be innocent."
The inspector can't believe what he is hearing. He grabs the phone on the Principal desk and in a rage dials the Minister of Education's telephone number and rattles the entire occurrence to her and asks her what she thinks of the education standard in SA.
The Minister sighs heavily and replies: "I don't know the boy, the teacher, nor the principal, but just get three quotes and have the wall fixed!!"
Labels: famous sexual quotes, fixed, Minister of Education, Principal, question, school inspector, schools, Sipho, teacher, walls of Jericho
Thursday, February 18, 2010
A class of five-year old school children return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time.
The teacher says to the first child "Hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?" Becky replies "I have been playing in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher "if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit."
Becky duly goes and writes, 's a n d' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says, "Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?"
Freddie replies, "Playing with Becky in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher, "if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit."
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says, "Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?"
"No," replies Mohammed, "I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives."
"Oh dear," says the teacher, "that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit."
The teacher says to the first child "Hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?" Becky replies "I have been playing in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher "if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit."
Becky duly goes and writes, 's a n d' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says, "Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?"
Freddie replies, "Playing with Becky in the sand box."
"Very good," says the teacher, "if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit."
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
"Very good," says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says, "Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?"
"No," replies Mohammed, "I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives."
"Oh dear," says the teacher, "that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit."
Labels: biscuit, blatant racial discrimination, box, class, explosives, playground, sandton, school children, teacher
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Ireland's worst Air disaster
Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night...
Labels: air disaster, bodies, burr oak cemetery, Cessna plane, crashed, digging, Ireland, irish, rescue workers
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
TV and psychology
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology, that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me both
happy and sad at the same time."
She said: Out of all your friends, you have the biggest peni$
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me both
happy and sad at the same time."
She said: Out of all your friends, you have the biggest peni$
Labels: biggest peni, friends, happy, husband, mixed emotions, phenomenon, psychology, sad, tv, wife
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Three Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
"God, please give me the strength to cross the river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river"
Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour, after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river"
Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!"
"God, please give me the strength to cross the river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river"
Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour, after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river"
Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!"
Labels: capsizing, hike, intelligence, men, prayed, river, strength, tools
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Mixed Emotions
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology, that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me both
happy and sad at the same time."
She said: Out of all your friends, you have the biggest peni$
The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me both
happy and sad at the same time."
She said: Out of all your friends, you have the biggest peni$
Labels: biggest peni$, friends, happy, husband, mixed emotions, phenomenon, psychology, sad, tv, wife
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
How to be a graceful B1tch
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
Labels: divorce, dress, excitement, father, million bucks, mother, rehearsal dinner, wedding
Monday, February 8, 2010
XBox on a beautiful day...
Friday, February 5, 2010
Is Tiger Really a Cheetah?
Monday, February 1, 2010
Not cool!
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that to me?"
"Because...," she smiled, "I miss mine.."
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that to me?"
"Because...," she smiled, "I miss mine.."
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Labels: adult jokes
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