Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tiger Woods jokes coming out the woodworks
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seals?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
That's the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive 300 yards
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree ... he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver
I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.
Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.
What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
That's the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive 300 yards
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree ... he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver
I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.
Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.
What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Labels: funny jokes, sport, sports jokes, tiger woods
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Balloon trouble
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the
house with his finger His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to
break something, but the boy continues.
"Johnny!" Mom screams "Knock it off." You're going to break something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon agai n after his mom has left for the
Store... He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it..
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, A
Diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH,
Out it comes.
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her
Doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, b ut he
Assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his
Knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his
Pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon
Explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the
First time I've ever actually seen a fart!"
house with his finger His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to
break something, but the boy continues.
"Johnny!" Mom screams "Knock it off." You're going to break something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon agai n after his mom has left for the
Store... He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it..
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, A
Diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH,
Out it comes.
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her
Doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, b ut he
Assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his
Knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his
Pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon
Explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the
First time I've ever actually seen a fart!"
Labels: balloon, fart, funny jokes, Little Johnny
Pot-smoking koala
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint
when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'. The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said: 'Faaaaaaaark dude..... How much water did you drink!?'
when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'. The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said: 'Faaaaaaaark dude..... How much water did you drink!?'
Labels: animals, crocodile, funny jokes, lizard, Pot-smoking koala
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